The 39th Year

I'm turning 39 next week.

I'm turning 39, and I still feel like I'm 12. Certainly, there is no way I'm an actual real-life adult? I don't know what I'm doing most of the time. My diet relies heavily on energy drinks and Hot Cheetos. I still use eeny meeny miny moe for major life decisions. I never go to bed at a decent hour. I still can't bring myself to fold and put away the laundry. 

helllllppp meeeeee

And yet, I'm turning 39.

The math is mathing, but it doesn't add up.

Even though I may still feel like a child, I am, in fact, a geriatric millennial longing for the good old days. So I decided to start a blog again! As we did back then.

I'm so annoyed with myself for where I am and where I am not in life at almost 39 years old, so it seemed like a really good idea to put pen to paper...finger to keyboard...and spend this final chapter of my 30s getting my shit together and figuring out what the hell I'm doing.

First order of business: A career pivot. I recently bought a BMW, so changing careers is only the second-most cliché midlife crisis I've had thus far. Though I am starting to realize that a midlife crisis is really just deciding to finally do what you've been putting off for years. For me, that meant buying the X5 and applying to school to begin my career in healthcare.

For some reason, I got a degree in HR. It was probably smart. I have that to fall back on if I ever need it. But in hindsight, it probably would have been wiser to pursue healthcare from the start like I had planned to years ago.

To be fair, when COVID hit, I was terrified of working in a hospital. At the time, though, healthcare workers were some of the only people whose jobs still felt secure while everything else was shutting down. The older I get, the more I realize I need a career with stability (maybe I'm not such a child after all).

I've been working as a photographer for nearly two decades now, and I'm so completely burned out from trying to keep the business afloat. The past couple of years have been the most difficult. I have pretty low overhead costs, which means there really isn't much fat to trim from the business. Yet, I still can barely even afford my website at this point. I have tried everything I can to increase sales, but things just seem to get slower and slower each day. So I'm soft quitting my own business.

I have a handful of amazing, loyal clients that I absolutely love and am so grateful for and will always make time to take pictures of, and if anyone else reaches out to book I will without hesitation. But at this point, I am done trying to make it work as a long-term career goal. It's been almost 20 years. I'm so proud of everything I have created within that time, but I am also so tired and so ok with closing this chapter of my life.

So, healthcare it is.

I have an interview this week for a program I have been wanting to get into for years.

I never thought I'd have the chance to even make it this far in the process. Amazed at my own determination here. There isn't much in life I've wanted as much as I want this, so I'm really hoping it works out. Cross your fingers, light all the candles, and say some prayers for me, please! I'll share an update on this when I can.

In addition to the midlife crises of car and career, I have other goals in mind for my 39th year. In a nutshell (help, I'm in a nutshell!):

• Build toward financial stability
• Get healthier and stronger
• Create a routine that I actually stick to
• Take a real vacation to one of my dream destinations
• Stop doomscrolling
• Set boundaries and stand up for myself
• Live this one wild and precious life as fully as I can

Keeping this list a little more vague for the eyes of the entire internet. The specifics are between me and my personal journal. But I promise I'll share progress on all the important things.

So, that's that for my first post! Keep following along if you, too, long for a little bit of that blogger nostalgia. Or if you just want to creep on what's going on in my life. No shame, just don't make it weird.

Byyyyyeeee.